Marine Man

Maybe I do want love. I honestly never thought I really cared for it much.  I've always been happy on my own, I've always felt fulfilled, I've never felt lonely.  Tonight I feel truly lonely.  I don't need constant attention.  I don't need compliments.  I don't even need sex.  But for a little while there...I thought I might need you.  I thought you were different.  Mainly because of everything I felt for you.  I will admit that most of your personality traits and characteristics have been made up- since I don't know you very well at all.  From what I do know about you, I thought you were perfect.  Not perfect in a way that means you have no flaws....but perfect in the way that means I liked everything about you.  I admired you, respected you, trusted you, and wanted you.  I wanted to know your future, your past, and everything in between.  I never like boys here. Ever.  I don't care if it sounds immature but it is not fair that we can't possibly work out.  You're in the Marines.  Good for you, good for America, good for Afghanistan.  I can't help but wonder here...why did I meet you?  Why did I have to meet you two days before you were leaving this place we both callled home to disappear forever?  I wish I wouldn't have.  I know myself, I'm a very realistic person, and yet; I knew within meeting you for the first few hours that I liked you enough to have sex with you when you got back from boot camp.  I knew within those first few hours that I would have dated someone like you- you specifically- even though you were thousands of miles away.  I liked you.  That's a very rare and momentous occasion for any person that knows me.  And yet, you're leaving.  You left two days after I met you for three months, you left 2 more months after that, and now those second two months have turned to four years in Hawaii.  I'm crazy about you- but I'm not stupid.  I am commitment phobic (which is why this has been such a big deal for me to really like someone in the first place).  I vowed to never try "long distance" again.  I am doing fine on my own- there's no one here to save. 
But I still wish you would have tried.
And I resent you for making me feel so weak and vulnerable.  I can't explain to you how unlike me this is.  You will never understand.